dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize