I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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