I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
