do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
