I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
