Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
