So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
