i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
