just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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