BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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