ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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