Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
