I'm so fucking centered right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
