we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
