The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
