My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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