Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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