possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
