Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
