That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
