hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
