White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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