So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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