After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
