even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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