Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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