I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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