ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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