fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
