Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
