She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He has the fingertips of a God
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