a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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