the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize