My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
