I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
