My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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