3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I understand Curling. That high.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
