dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
