Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.