I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game