He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now