I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize