dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
