i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
