i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
