ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
