wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is my gift to your gina
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
