Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize