You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
