I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
