If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Randomize
