Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
