Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
