I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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