This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
