I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you traded sex for a burrito?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
