haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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