It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
